The Yellow Pages of Life

Everything comes with a manual. A little book of instructions to tell you what to do and what you definitely should not do. You buy a computer, you get an inch thick directory telling every single step from how you should put it together and press the little button to switch on (and -oh- don't forget to put the plug in before you call the support centre). You buy a can of sardin and it instructs you carefully how you should use a can opener instead of a ... fork, perhaps? Yes, try the other little tool that has an evil spike on the end. And that's alot like life you know. Little manuals running every where telling you what to do when you run into a little or major crisis in life.

Cat's barfing all over the kitchen? Cure it.
How? Turn to pg 66.

Got dumped? Get even.
How? Turn to pg 44.

Dry Spell? Get a man
How? Call escort service.

The day we were born we've been enveloped with manuals in the form of people. Our parents. Our siblings. Our aunts and grand-aunts. Our bosses. Our pastors. Our voodoo masters. I mean really, break a nail or heart, there's always someone out there that is just willing enough to tell us what to do. Everybody has an opiniion of HOW we should live our lives. It's a societal contribution. Deep down inside we're really charitable spirits. Truly.

It's a small wonder how most of us - especially Asians - can make it out of the four walls of our safe square world. There is just so much we have to do in our life to please others. Don't you ever get a little emotional blackmail each time you want to do something slightly different from your loved ones wishes?

"Oh, beeg oledi. Can fly."

"If you do that, don't ever think about coming back."

"You don't love me anymooooreeeeeee."


I'm quite serious here. I've got my hands of my wide arse antartic hips and I'm thinking, we have real-life walking talking yellow pages! We don't need to live our lives! There'll always be someone who's glad enough to tell you how it should be lived.

Son: "Pa, I want to study fashion design."
Dad: "What? Those are only for wusses."
Son: "But Pa, I really like to create clothes - design beautiful dresses for beautiful women."
Dad: "Over my dead body! Are you gay? I said no! I will not support you to sell your backside! Go study business or else you won't get a single cent after I die."
Son: "(....)"

Girl: "Ma, I'm in love!"
Mom: "Is he rich?"
Girl: "No Ma, but he says he really loves me."
Mom: "What use is love? You can't eat love. You can't buy diamonds with love. It's worthless. Be like me, go marry a man with money. Money can buy you happiness."
Girl: "But..."
Mom: "Listen to me. I know what's best for you. I'm your mother."
Girl: *sinks head in resignation* "Yes Ma."

And at the end of the day, we usually survive business school or a loveless marriage. You graduate, get a job, work for 20 hours a day, eventually meet the 'right' person and get 12 kids. Don't you see? Life's all planned out for us. It'll ALL work out. Just follow what others' tell you to do and you won't regret it. Why make life difficult for yourself and go against the flow? Bah... what's all this nonsense about walking the road less travelled. Are you crazy?! Are you suicidal??! The Flow is where everything is safe and secure. There's no need to struggle. Whenever you have a problem, just tell someone and it'll go away. IF you listen and do what they say. Jangan buat susah-susah. Buat malu aje.

So, boys and girls, in conclusion:
1. Don't take risks.
2. Don't fight society.
3. Do succumb to conventions because they are good for you. Resistance is futile.
4. Do listen and don't act out of character.
5. Do believe in what others' tell you is true.
6. And don't ask questions. (Don't you know that's why you have a mouth and a pair of ears?)

Do everything the way a good little boy or girl ought to and you'll certainly be happy.

If you're not happy now, you'll be happy later. And if you're not happy later. There's always the next life.
Good Luck!